Chapter 15

Golden Week ended, and the sun’s rays beating down on the skin heralded the arrival of early summer.

Although my name contains “Natsu” (summer), I don’t like summer very much. My birthday is also in the middle of August, the height of summer, but now I don’t even like my birthday.

Because summer took away my peace of mind.

Because my birthday makes me feel lonely whether I like it or not.

Surely my family and friends will celebrate my birthday.

But the person who should be celebrating with me on that day isn’t here.

Because it reminds me of that whether I like it or not. ──I hate it.

Perhaps the time when I was truly myself stopped at that moment.

I worked hard and got into a prestigious school. I was chosen as a representative player in my club.

Indeed, from the outside, it looks like I’m living a smooth and successful life.

I think this with a touch of self-mockery.

The reason I study so hard is that I wanted to enter a medical school and become a surgeon.

The reason I swing a shinai is that there was time I wanted to spend together.

I didn’t want to get into a prestigious school, nor did I want to become famous in kendo.

I just needed those things to walk side by side with him.

Eat breakfast, go to school. Attend classes. Participate in club activities… The unchanging daily routine slowly eats away at me.

How long can I keep going? How long should I keep going? But my questions to myself don’t give me any answers. I just think about it.

Another same day begins.

Eat breakfast. Go to school… Recently, I’ve been feeling gloomy as unwanted romantic noise has been added to these daily routines.

「Hey, hey, I heard there’s a transfer student coming today.」

「Yeah, yeah, someone saw an unfamiliar boy in the morning, and they said he was super handsome!!」

「I heard there’s a cute girl too!!」

Apparently, transfer students are coming today. But even that probably has nothing to do with my daily life.

Without joining the conversation, I check what the first period class is and take out my textbook from my bag.

As I looked through my textbook, thinking I might as well prepare for class, Inagaki-sensei, our homeroom teacher, entered the classroom.

「Okay, quiet down!! Good morning, everyone.」

Good morning. I reply softly without taking my eyes off the textbook.

「Some of you may have already seen them, but today I will introduce transfer students. Amakake-kun, Chihara-kun. Please come in.」

My ears twitch in response to those words.

Chihara (ちはら)? Is it Chihara (地原), or Chihara (千原)?

I suppress the hope in my heart and desperately try to kill the urge to look up.

If I get my hopes up and it’s not him, I’ll definitely be disappointed. It would be too rude to the transfer students who have done nothing wrong.

So I won’t expect anything, and I won’t be interested. I decided so and turned the page of my textbook.

「Then, please give a brief self-introduction. Let’s start with Amakake-kun.」

It seems Amakake-kun is going to introduce himself. From the reactions of the girls around, I could tell he was the handsome transfer student they were talking about.

「Yes, I’m Amakake Daiki. For certain reasons, I transferred here with Shougo… Chihara over there. I’m not very familiar with this area, so I’d appreciate it if you could show me around. Looking forward to being with you all.」

Again, my ears, no, my shoulders twitched.

He just said “Shougo”. But I don’t remember my childhood friend, that person, having a friend named Amakake.

But… the heart I had been suppressing shows its face.

「Hey, hey, isn’t he super handsome?」

「Yeah, yeah! And he’s tall too!」

「I’m going to talk to him right away!!」

The girls seem to be all about Amakake-kun, not even mentioning the other transfer student. If only, if only I could know some characteristics without looking…

「Then next, Chihara-kun, please introduce yourself.」

Ignoring my anxiety, Inagaki-sensei prompts the next student. With a heart that hopes against hope and another that says I shouldn’t hope, I waited for the other transfer student’s greeting.

The letters in the textbook in front of me no longer enter my head.

「Yes, I’m Chihara Shougo. As Daiki mentioned earlier, due to various circumstances, we ended up transferring here together. I’m somewhat local to this area, so please take care of Daiki.」

That voice.

The voice that had faded from my memory, that I had almost forgotten.

Always a bit languid, a bit playful, always thinking about others…

I could feel my hand holding the textbook trembling.

「Natsuki? What’s wrong? Are you feeling sick?」

「I-It’s nothing. I’m fine.」

The girl in the seat behind me, concerned about my condition, asked.

Although I said I’m fine, I’m not fine at all. After being set up with this situation, it was too much to ask me not to look forward. ──Is it okay for me to hope?

「Alright, please be quiet! Then, since Amakake-kun and Chihara-kun seem to know each other, it would be better if their seats are close. The seats on the aisle side at the very back are both empty, so let’s have Chihara-kun on the aisle side and Amakake-kun next to him.」

I’m sitting about in the middle, so my seat will be a bit far from him.

If it’s him, hasn’t he noticed me? My height has grown a bit since then, but my appearance shouldn’t have changed that much. If he has noticed me and there’s no reaction, what does that mean? Is he a different person after all… I think, but then I realize that I’m currently staring at my textbook, and my face can’t be seen from the front.

Rather, I had lost my composure so much that I didn’t notice such a simple thing.

The two transfer students head towards their seats.

I made up my mind, closed the textbook, and looked at him.

There was a male student with his eyes hidden by his bangs, wearing glasses. Glasses!? Shou-chan didn’t wear glasses, right!?

That was my first impression when I saw his face.

I thought it was a silly impression, but if my inner voice had come out, my impression so far would have definitely changed. That’s how much my true self was coming out.

That’s why I’m sure. That it’s him. Of course, if asked for evidence, I have none. But within me, there was no doubt left, it had turned into certainty.

At the same time, I noticed another question.

He was walking towards his seat. Not with a prosthetic leg, not dragging his feet, but with a firm stride.

Seeing that, I inadvertently let it out.

「No way… why…?」

Perhaps reacting to my words, he looked this way.

He probably didn’t expect me to be here. After widening his eyes behind his glasses for a moment, he looks down as if to avert his gaze. That reaction shouldn’t be towards a stranger.

After that, when he raised his face as if to cover up, his eyes were already not looking at me, but towards the aisle, towards his seat.

Why? Why won’t he speak to me? Why won’t he smile at me like he used to? I feel a bit confused, but considering it’s his first day as a transfer student, I hold back my impatient feelings, thinking there might be some reason.

Still, I can’t help but be curious, so I glance at him from time to time.

「Ah, Natsuki, are you interested in Amakake-kun too?」

「T-That’s not it!!」

It seems that because I was looking back, she misunderstood that I was looking at Amakake-kun.

Just then, the teacher for the first period entered the classroom, so I didn’t continue the conversation with her.

After that, I tried to talk to him several times, but whenever I looked, a girl who seemed to be a first-year student, whom I don’t know when he met, was always visiting him, and with the curious eyes of the entire class, I couldn’t find the right timing to approach him.

There are so many things I want to ask…

How did he become able to walk? Why is he wearing glasses? Why did he grow out his bangs?

What is his relationship with those girls──

During lunch break, I tried to invite him to eat together, but as I hesitated to call out to him, one of the girls visiting him seemed to notice my struggle and asked if I needed something.

I saw it as a chance and was about to ask if we could eat lunch together when Amano-kun interrupted again.

I ignored his voice once, but a friend came to tell me that Amano-kun was calling me, and I had to withdraw with my head hanging low.

From an outsider’s perspective, Amano-kun is good-looking, has good grades, and is the vice president of the student council, so he’s popular with the girls.

If such a person calls me by my first name and comes to invite me during lunch break, ignoring that to go to Shou-chan would only increase the curious stares, and I worried that Amano-kun might do something to Shou-chan.

So, reluctantly, I went to Amano-kun and told him that it troubled me when he did such things.

But as expected, or perhaps I should say, as I feared, my plea was not heard, and it seemed that in his mind, I was just being shy again.

The old me might have given up, thinking that being too forceful could lead to troublesome situations.

But now the situation is different. The person I wished to be with has returned.

Besides, there’s no fact that I’ve eaten lunch together with Amano-kun. Although I responded to his calls, each time I found an excuse to leave him, and most of the time I ate my lunch alone, hiding.

So I reluctantly did the same this time, but I told him that I didn’t want him to call me during lunch break ever again.

「Got it. Natsuki wants to be alone sometimes too, right? Then I’ll stop calling you during lunch.」

He replied with an answer that probably understood but wouldn’t actually back down.

It seems that avoiding trouble all this time has caught up with me. I painfully realize that he won’t understand unless I clearly convey my rejection.

Whether he would actually back down quietly was highly doubtful, though.

After that, while looking for opportunities to talk to Shou-chan, I kept missing the timing, and I became completely timid about approaching him.

Every day, I see him having fun conversations with the girls. The fact that he doesn’t come to talk to me.

All these mixed together, and I start to imagine that Shou-chan and one of the girls might be in a romantic relationship.

And at the same time, from their perspective, aren’t I and Amano-kun being seen as lovers? My anxiety grows now more than ever.

──My chest ached as if it made a sound.

Several times I thought of consulting my mom or my sister Hina, and I tried talking to my mom first.

「Stop overthinking and just go talk to him already.」

She said, exasperated. That’s true, but I’m consulting her because I can’t do it…

「Ah, don’t tell Hina-chan about Shougo yet. I have a surprise planned for her.」

She said, looking amused.

I wondered if that was really okay, but maybe I was tired at the time. If mom is thinking about it, it should be fine, I thought.

Hina, more than anyone else, should be told as soon as possible.

──No, maybe I was jealous.

From Hina’s position, even if one of those girls was dating Shou-chan, it wouldn’t be a problem.

Even for me, I’m still his childhood friend, so my position as such doesn’t change.

That’s what I think, but if that were true, would I be able to interact with him as I have until now? When I think about it, I realize that probably not, and there’s a rational part of me that thinks so. That scared me so much that I couldn’t even talk to him.

In the end, it’s all my fault. Yet I envy others, and even worse, I’m jealous of them.

Was I really such an ugly woman? I despise myself and end up not even telling Hina, returning to my room.

──Someday, I’ll properly apologize to Hina.

If she despises me for it, it’ll be painful, but there’s nothing I can do. Because it’s my own fault.

With gloomy feelings, I close my eyes on my bed.

Things that should be easy to do aren’t easy. As I burn with frustration at this.